News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
