You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
