The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
