she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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