we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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