The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
