I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
