If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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