I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
