im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vagina is officially offended.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
