i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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