we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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