Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
