Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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