don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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