are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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