This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
