At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
