drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
