So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
