guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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