I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my liver is dry heaving
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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