I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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