Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
