In the future we'll all be gay
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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