Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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