You really coming over, don't trick.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
