So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
