Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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