I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
