is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
