he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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