Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize