Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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