Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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