how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize