Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
