I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
