He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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