When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
