Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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