I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
