um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
