i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
