apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is wine microwaveable?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
