And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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