dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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