So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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