Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
