Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
