Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
