Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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