Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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