Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
