Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
