How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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