i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
