Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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