im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
third nipple confirmed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
