i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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