I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
