what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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