Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
