hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize