What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
